Toothless Smile

"We were gonna make a whole world like this. Now, everyone used to come here, but you know... you know what it feels like when all your teeth are falling out really slowly and you don't realize and then you notice that, well, they're really far apart. 

And then one day... you don't have any teeth anymore."

Do you ever feel like, sometimes, you're losing everything all at once?  Even if it's just one thing?  Do you feel like you're pushing away the only good thing that's happened to you in a really long time over something you don't have control over, and really isn't any of your business?

Right now is one of those times for me.  It's like losing your teeth.  You start to lose a few baby teeth, but you don't really realize how many are missing until someone points out the toothless smile you have, and you start to get self conscious and embarrassed, but there isn't really anything you can do about it until you adult teeth grow in.  And even when they do grow in, they feel too big for your mouth and you still feel weird about it for a long time.

I don't know how long this will last, or if it will even really go away.  I seem to have pushed something away and I don't know if I can fix it, or if there's even a way to fix it now that I've said everything that I have to a certain someone.  I hate feeling like I messed everything up and that there's nothing I can do to fix it.  I promised someone that I would always be there for them, and in an instant I made myself come across as a liar because that person may or may not want to be with someone else.  I feel selfish and stupid for saying I'd feel awkward about them going back to what they had before, and I don't want to put pressure on them to do something they may regret in the long run, I don't want to hurt them.

More than anything else, I don't want to hurt them, and I am more than willing to stick to what I promised and be there through anything, everything, no matter what that means for me.  This person is the world to me and I just hate that I always screw up things that mean this much to me.  I guess that's all I ever really do.  I just feel like something is missing, there's a hole in my chest and I can't seem to fix that.  This is in my top three of my 'Worst Feelings in the World' list.  I guess that's all for now.  Goodnight.