It never gets any less weird to hear that someone you knew from school has passed away. I honestly don't even know where to start with this, but I feel like I needed to say something because we used to be so close, once upon a time.
The first person I remember hearing about was a boy that I went to high school with. He was one of the kids that would always run technical things for the theater department and he dated someone I was friends with for a while during that time. A freak construction accident sent shock waves through everyone who knew him, even those who didn't know him very well like myself, because it was unexpected, he was a good kid, he had a lot going for him, and I know people still think of him daily.
The most recent before today was a girl who sat behind me in creative writing class, and across from me in a couple art classes my senior year in high school. She and I would talk fairly often, but I don't believe she ever considered me a friend. We were absolutely friendly to each other and had some very interesting and entertaining conversations, but I think we both knew, by the kind of girls we are, that we couldn't see ourselves having sleepovers or braiding each others hair. I admired her, she was talented and funny and just different. I still don't know exactly what happened, but I don't feel it's my business to ask. I still think about her often. She was a strange girl, she prided herself in that, and rightfully so because that was what really made her unique and a lovely person.
Today, my mom texted me asking if I had been friends with a girl from my hometown when we were little. Knowing my mother, much like my grandmother, she never asks such specific questions without bad news attached. I instantly went to the girl's Facebook page to see if she had posted anything. Nothing, not since much earlier this year...
Then I tried Google and typed in her name and our state. The first result, as I had started to suspect, was an obituary, posted 23 hours ago. I am honestly still in disbelief looking at the black and white photo that I'm almost positive was her senior picture for the yearbook.
We, unfortunately, went our separate ways as kids when I moved in fourth grade to another town and another school, but I still remember going over her house for her birthday for a couple years after that, seeing her every so often if our parents could get us together for a day on the weekends. We played soccer together all the time, she was often paired up with me for class assignments because we sat next to each other in almost every class we had in elementary school.
Even though we haven't spoken in the last few years after graduating high school, I still considered you a friend. You were one of the first friends I ever had. You and Danielle were my best friends since kindergarten, and in addition to Holly from the end of my street, you were my only friends for a long time.
I would think of you from time to time after high school as I do with most friends (past and present) and, as weird as it sounds, I would look at a couple recent posts on your Facebook to see what you were up to. You were going back to college, your son is adorable and doing well, learning new things and watching movies with you, and I would click away thinking you were doing well and happy with what you were working towards and the family around you. But I guess those articles that show the juxtaposition of what we show others on the internet are true, you can always crop out the not-so-pretty parts before you hit the 'Submit' button. I had no idea what you had gotten into, how you really were, or the things that have happened in your life since we parted ways so long ago.
I know not everyone can stay friends forever, despite circumstances or how hard you try, so I can't say that maybe if we stayed friends this wouldn't have happened. I, however, do feel just as bad that I didn't take time to actually try and stay friends longer, or try again once I moved back to good old East Hampton during our senior year. I don't blame myself or you what happened, because I know sometimes things just don't go as planned, and sometimes you just can't fix things.
I can say, however, that this truly sucks. It sucks that you're gone now. You didn't deserve this, and I could tell from what I saw that you loved your little guy very much, and he loves you, too, and I wish that could have been enough. I'm sorry this happened, and my thoughts are with your family and those who really made the time for you, and especially your son. I wish you two had gotten more time together. You're gone too soon, and I know you're already sorely missed.
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