For Once...

"I think it was the first time in my life I ever felt like 

I looked "good". 

Do you know what I mean? That nice feeling when you look in the mirror, and your hair's right for the first time in your life? I don't think we should base so much on weight, muscles, and a good hair day, but when it happens, 

it's nice. It really is."

Tonight is one of those rare nights where I actually felt like I looked good, and it made me think of this.  Even though my allergies are all sorts of out of whack right now, I feel like I really do look nice.  Despite the coughing and the sniffling, my hair worked well with me when I tried to pin it up out of my face, and after about 5 tries, I got my makeup right and even, which was no easy task.  Now that it's all done and I wore a new outfit I bought last night, something clicked into my head and made me feel like a million dollars.  That's always a really nice feeling.  

I hope everyone gets to experience that once in their life.  

Even though being able to look nice with all new, material things (or weight or height or whatever it is you have or don't have) shouldn't define your happiness, sometimes it doesn't hurt.  I don't mean to sound conceited or snotty, I really don't, it's just a good night for me when things I try to do go the right way.

Here it goes...

I feel like there's some sort of disconnect in my brain...  Like, there's some sort of lapse between reality and the things that happen only in my head or in movies.  I don't know why it happens, but things that happen in reality often feel like they never really happened.  There seems to always be this extremely blurred line between what's real and what isn't real and I lost the ability to keep those things separate.  It's weird, and it's really starting to take a toll on my thoughts and emotions and I don't know what to make of it anymore.  I just don't.  Everything is just a blur now, and I wish I could fix it...  I wish someone could just figure me out and tell me what's wrong with me and maybe have some sort of insight into how to fix it.  But, just knowing what's wrong would be enough, be more than I could ever really ask for.  I'm sorry, this is a serious-business blog post, it's short and slightly upsetting and angry, but I had to get this out...  That's all for tonight, I guess...

That Kind of Tired.

I'm listening to this song, knowing I have to be up for work in 5 hours, staring at the computer screen. I'm that kind of tired when you start to just stare into space, and whatever you happen to be looking at starts doing waves and ripples and splits into two or three of itself. My right eye keeps watering, which is pretty damn annoying. Forcing myself to sleep soon, but just one more game of Tetris first...

Whyyyy?

You know what really sucks?

Getting really really inspired at almost one in the morning when you have to be up in 6 hours for work =\

FAIL.

I got inspired to start looking into college again and to travel more.  I feel so bad, my grandmother bought me this really nice, sky blue luggage for Christmas because I had been travelling a bit this past summer.  Except then, I lost my job and couldn't afford to do anything and now I'm in debt up to my eyeballs and still can't put the luggage to use yet.

I started a new job two weeks ago and am expecting my tax return in the next couple of weeks...  Even so, that's just enough to get myself on the road and out of debt.  Then there's the saving process, which totally sucks.  But, maybe this summer I'll have enough saved to start thinking of another trip somewhere...  I hope so.  It's so easy to get sick of this town.

And on that note, college!  Haha, I know I have to go at some point... And that's going to put a huge dent in my wallet/bank account.  I just know if I don't get started by the time I'm around 22 or so, I just won't go.  The problem is, I don't know what kind of things I want to get degrees in.  I know what you're thinking..

"Start with the general education courses and decide later."

Yeah.  It's the ideal thing.  I'll probably end up doing that.  But I need to stay motivated to go through with things.  If I just start with math, English, and history classes without a goal to get me through them, I won't get through them.  I'll give up and think 'Eh, I can always go back later when I have a reason to do it'.

Meh...  On a final point, blogging is totally ruining my journal writing.  Just saying.

Nerds...

Nerds, the
Faggots, the
Spastic fat chicks who
Sit in the back with no one to do their lab with.
Nerds, the
Kid with acne and
Tons of Proactive
Packed inside his backpack;
I've got your back, kid.

I know it's bad, kid.
I've got your back, kid


I can't wait for Bo Burnham's new studio CD to come out... it's more serious than the other albums, and from what I've heard of it, it's going to be amazing.  There are videos from the tour on youtube, I definitely recommend checking it out.

Feed

I apoligize in advance for mispellings and grammatical errors, I'm sick, but I feel like I need to get this out of my head before I forget it.


So, I'm reading Feed by M. T. Anderson, as per semi-force by the best friend...  So far, it's at very least been entertaining, and has kept my interest for 188 out of 299 pages.  I just read a part of it that actually made me laugh out loud to myself, but then I thought about it... It was both funny and really sad at the same time.

Quick briefing if you have no idea what the book is about: a 'feed' is basically the internet being placed right inside your brain, advertising, instant messaging, facebook, everything you can find on the internet is put right into your mind. On that note, the main character, Titus, is m-chatting (IMing) his girlfriend, Violet.  He's in School(TM), and she's home alone (she's homeschooled), and they're talking about school when Titus says it's time for announcements, he has to go.  Violet's response being: "I make my own announcements, into the garbage can, so it echoes."

She goes on to say, "I tell myself to come to the office...Then I pace in circles, waiting for me to show up. I wait and I wait, you know.  I wait and I wait in the office, ...but me never comes."

I don't know... I don't really want to go into a lot of detail here, but if you think about it in a way simmilar to the way I do, it gets kind of sad, kind of lonely...  Either way, I guess I'll keep reading.  Hopefully, I'll finish the book tonight.